ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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