Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
