She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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