I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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