i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I checked into jail on foursquare
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
