you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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