I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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