Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
