Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
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Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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