People in love make me want to vomit
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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