Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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