wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
