haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The uberlube is also flammable
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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