He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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