i just wanna soil my oats bro
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Please don't give away my fajitas
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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