We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
