areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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