I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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