8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
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No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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