hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
