i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
