Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
