when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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