Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
