I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
