Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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