he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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