Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
