On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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