Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Damn victory sex feels great
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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