Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
