You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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