she woke up with a sticky ear
the day after is always just damage control
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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