Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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