i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
