My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
