I just saw a hot homeless man
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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