My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
