when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
