from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
