You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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