Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
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When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
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It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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