Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
