whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
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