Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
sex in a hospital.. check
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
