She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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