I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
