My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
