Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
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