They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
