did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
