Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
