I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
