oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
