her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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