He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
