you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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