I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
