FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
