Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
