5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
