Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
