dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
