we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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