Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
