I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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