put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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