____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can text with my tongue
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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