you guys were way drunker than both of me
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
