I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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