just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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