We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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