chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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