My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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