shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
