Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
